Folks, it is just everywhere around me these days and I am working hard to embrace it.
We had an amazing summer. Truly, the best one we’ve ever had as a family, I think. Some combination of our new home,
the chickens (we love having chickens!),
the lake nearby,
and the ages of our kids just made it a magical time that we all enjoyed so much, and even though I adore the fall, I’m a little sad to see it coming to an end. There are not many more days around the campfire left this year, but we had an awful lot of them and it was just wonderful.
We began our second homeschool year last Thursday, and getting back into a routine has been nice. My stress level surrounding schooling is much lower this year than it was last year, and the boys have been doing a wonderful job getting into their groove and completing their work so that they can soak up some more time outdoors.
Baking is part of our curriculum again this year, and we made soft pretzels the other day, using this recipe from Alton Brown. They were just delicious.
I’ve borrowed from this post at Simple Homeschool to create and incorporate a baking curriculum into our home schooling. My boys, 8 and 9, both really enjoy it; it’s their favorite subject. Probably because they get to eat their lessons.
I’m so thankful that this is something we have the freedom and desire to do. But somehow, I forgot that being in charge of all the schooling and all the other things brings chaos. Toys, dishes, laundry, papers. It’s too many plates to keep spinning, and I invariably drop one or ten and then I get in a funk. I feel overwhelmed. I feel disappointed in myself. I wonder why I signed up to do this when other moms could just send their kids to school and go get coffee or do yoga. (I tried doing my A.M. yoga this morning and ended up with a diapered baby bottom sitting on my face. Not as meditative as I’d have liked, but I just rolled with it and listened for Rodney Yee’s voice over the din of arguing children.)
I know in my heart this is what God is calling me to do for our family, but I start asking myself questions like:
Why am I doing this when I’m clearly not capable of managing everything I need to?
Am I failing at homemaking?
and When was the last time I dusted that table, because…sheesh!
Having five children under the age of ten brings chaos, plain and simple. But what I find myself doing is following a rabbit hole of thinking that leads me to be disappointed in myself and then project that disappointment onto the people around me. It also leaves me wondering if my husband is disappointed in me (when I know that he is not) and if God is disappointed in me, too. Surely I’m not doing everything in the name of the Lord if I can’t keep my house tidy, right?
It’s a dark hole to go down and leaves me feeling so heavy and burdened.
I know that there are verses like “He will rejoice over you with gladness…He will exult over you with singing.” But I find myself thinking, rejoice? Surely, what I’m doing is just adequate. Not rejoice-worthy. I can’t even keep up with the laundry!
So what I would love to do is a Bible study on the love the Father has for us. For me. I need reminders. Do you?
If so, would you like to join me for an online bible study? Maybe we can read a bit of a book together each week, grab a cup of coffee, and meet online to talk about it? Or just encourage one another amidst the chaos?
If you have a bible study title in mind, I’d love to know what book might be a helpful one for this season of my life. I need some encouragement of the long-lasting kind. The kind that gets inside you and changes you from within.
I created a closed Facebook group that you are welcome to join if this is something that you might need, too. My hope is that it would be a place where we can be authentic and share our struggles and encourage one another. Also, maybe we can pick some books to discuss (but not in a rigid, timeline sort of way because…chaos).
I hope to see you there! ❤
***UPDATE : We decided to read this book together, which is only $1.99 on Kindle right now. Even the cover is perfect. Just picture a 30-lb baby sitting on the mom’s face and that was my morning! I can’t wait to dive in. I hope you’ll consider reading with us and joining the discussion by clicking on the group page here.
(I am an amazon affiliate and am sharing the link for the book through my affiliate page. It brings in a few extra pennies for our crew if you use my link, but you don’t have to.)